September 10th, 2008

yeswecan

so f*cking fed up!

Sorry i have been away for ages and sorry for being a shite LJ Friend. I have been feeling ill for so long i don't care to remember. And now i am angry. really really angry.

On top of this i've got money problems too so i bet stress isn't helping. I'm feeling very depressed. On the news they blew up some thing about some science experiment bringing about the end of the world today - too bad it didn't.

If it wasn't for my mum, and how devestated she'd be, i'd probably kill myself. I'm that depressed. I feel like i want time to stop. I'm fed up of living.

But i'm also a coward so i probably wouldn't succeed in killing myslef anyway.

This is a really random post as i am just venting...

The medical things are making everything so much harder to deal with, and yet they find nothing wrong with me. It's weird, when a bad situation is big and difficult i tend to cope ok, if a bad situation is annoying, nagging with no end in sight i fall apart. I know there are people out there in a lot more pain who are much worse than me but this is just driving me crazy.

So - i'm going to make a list of my symptoms and as each one hopefully gets resolved i will comment on it. I know whatever is wrong with me isn't serious because it's been going on too long, but it IS debilitating. So the symptoms are:

*Headaches (Constant, dull, all over the head and face
Have had blood tests which were all fine. Also my eyes are fine.
*Nausea (most of the time, although i am craving sweet things which don't aggravate it. Food seems to make it better.)
Again, had blood tests - all fine.
*Blocked Ears/Earache
I reckon this could just be wax, but with everything else have no time to make an appointment - plus i reckon the doctors are sick of me.
*Hard tender spot on right breast (always sore, no marks of any kind)
Apparently it's just an inflamed nodule and all i can do is use ibruprofen cream (which does nothing by the way).
*Abdominal Pain (dull, achy, throbbing, on my sides, my left and right lower abdomen and back too. Occassional sharp pains with a feeling of a bubble bursting inside.)
The sides/lower abdo pain could be due to adhesions after my operation last year. Due for a diagnostic laparoscopy in October.
*Abdominal Cramping (quite often, weird feeling like i need to stretch my stomach.)
*Frequent episodes of diarrhea (sp?) (especially after eating)
Was given some tablets for IBS which did nothing. Have no costipation or anything.
*Recurrent Urine Infections/UTIs (currently on my 8th in a year, have been admitted to hospital twice in agony with this)
Could also be down to my operation last year.
*General aches and pains
*General feeling of ill health
*Find it very difficult to wake up in the morning (more than usual anyway lol)
*Weakness/Lightheadedness
*Thirsty all the time
*Rectal pain (eww i know, but it was what i reported a couple of nights before i found out i had an ectopic pregnancy)
Definately not pregnant now though!
*Dry hands (no chapping or cracking but very sore)
*Feeling the cold more than i used to.
*Empty feeling in stomach all the time
*Psorasis on my scalp

Okay, i've bored myself with this now. sorry for the random post.
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